third semester and i'm done !

Assalamualaikum yeorobun! please be healthy yeorobun! covid cases makin meningkat ni ha, tolong jaga diri demi orang yang tersayang okay? and demi orang lain yang dok kat rumah ni..huhu

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. 

next week I'll be sitting for my final exam and then--- the end of my foundation journey! Aaaa rasa cam tak percaya jugak la nak degree dah, tapi masih tak tahu lagi nak ambik bidang apa & di mana.. Actually ada dalam pikiran ni nak sambung degree law, tapi bila baca experience orang lain rasa macam diri aku ni tak mampu nak buat, rasa macam boleh ke berjaya dalam bidang tu? sebab dia punya jalan nak sampai ke peringkat lawyer tu sendiri dah berliku-liku & makan masa & duit juga.. sigh.. I don't know and I'm not sure. 

Tapi takpelah, kita fokus on the present dulu.. next week nak exam dah, Ya Allah please ease my studies, ease me in any difficulties, and I pray that everything will be fine...InsyaAllah :)

actually sem 3 ni subjek dia bagi aku mencabar juga la, tapi best ! sebab minat kot.. 

Maka, bila dah habis exam nanti tamatlah riwayat aku sebagai pelajar asasi pengajian islam, walaupun satu sem je duduk di kampus (lagi dua sem ODL) tapi aku okay je, takdelah rasa exhausted ataupun stressed gila gila macam yang orang lain rasa. Alhamdulillah. cuma ada la rasa susah nak belajar, i mean rasa malas tu membuak buak. ni pun tengah procrastinate la ni hehehe, takpe jangan risau I'll get back to work after this :D 

Aku kan rasa macam nak sambung degree kat overseas pun ada, tapi..... hahaha see ? so many "tapi".. 

aku tak tau la , maybe aku ni tak suka ambil risiko.. tapi teringin. complicated kan? macam mana nak excell kalau fikiran macam ni.. hehe okay la, apa apa pun goodluck to all of you yang sedang membaca.. semoga sihat sihat semuanya. 

it's eleven p.m.

 Hi, it is rare for me to be awake at this time and be writing like this. Usually I'll just go through my phone (not a book person hehe) and go to sleep. I know it is unhealthy and everyone's doing it, so I will improve my habits from time to time. 

you know, that feeling of seeing your peers getting good results, enrolling to ivy schools, having a great time at their uni and just.. the smile on their face. I'm actually proud of them and I do acknowledge their excellencies, they just deserve it! Alhamdulillah, barakallah. 

somehow, deep inside I feel kind of, just a liiiiitle bit of miserable (hmm but no so much, okay?) it is my fault for not being good in school. idk. kind of feeling like a... loser maybe? 

nevertheless, I am amazingly grateful for where I stand today. I love my course that I'm taking :)) sometimes it's hard but oh well, if it's not hard then it is not called the dunya. 

if you're having a hard time during this pandemic, odl, work from home, being a housewife with kids and yeah to all of us, please know that:

Allah swt turunkan setiap ujian yang di dalamnya penuh dengan hikmah dan kebaikan, mungkin kebaikan itu kita tak dapat melihatnya, tetapi yakinlah, tetap yakin dengan kekuasaan dan kebesaran Ilahi. Allah swt itu Maha Baik, Maha Melihat akan keadaan setiap hamba-hambaNya. Serahlah segala lelahmu, kecewamu, resahmu, bebanmu pada Dia yang Satu. 

we are stronger than we think . 

18th of January.

 Assalamualaikum wbt,

it's the 18th of january 2021. 18 days of new year, 18 days of me trying to get a grip, get a hold of myself. i know everyone's under a difficult situation right now, we go through different things but we all are suffering. mentally and physically.

physically wore, mentally tired.

in another 6 days I will be having my final exams before entering the third semester. i am blessed because throughout this journey of me being an odl student, I have friends that helped me a lot, and i could always ask my lecturers regarding topics that i'm having difficult time with understanding them. my parents are always at home. i feel content even though we're all now staying at home. yes i wont deny, there are some time i felt useless, guilty for not being able to help with the house chores everyday. and actually my discipline has been destructed. I get sleepy easily, i'm on my phone a lot and i've been doing nothing a lot too..

so this year, 2021 i don't think i have any resolution. 

like there are things that i wanted to achieve, but.. i guess i'm going to focus on my well-being. i need to change myself first. i need to have some changes. i can't be --just like this--

to all of you out there, every year will get tougher.

every single day is a brand new day that you've never seen before. 

i ask you to stay safe and healthy.

inside and out.

:)